Which psychological disorder does my stepmother have?

she & my father are selfish, manipulative, one-sided, inconsiderate, cruel and cold to name a few. she has moved out & back home 3-4 times cause of him hitting her. I've lost respect for her cause she chooses to stay w/him. they stayed w/me for the H. Rita evac & were ungrateful guests. nothing I did was good enough for them. she seems to expect me to cater to my as*hole father. when I refuse to play their game, she tries to make me feel guilty about poor daddy "whithering away in front of her eyes" bullsh*t. he looked fine last time I saw him. I think she's trying to make me pay for the crap she chooses to put up with. I believe the reason she hasn't divorced my dad is so she can collect life ins $ if he dies first.
they remind me of that guy from the NW who got a mailorder bride from Russia. he had her murdered when they got back from visiting her parents. heard of this story? during a prison interview, he had the nerve to say that he was the victim. can you believe that?

Answer:
It sounds like she may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

She can overcome this problem only through therapy and/or psychotropic medications.

You cannot change her. You should only tell her that she needs help. Then, I suggest that you completely cut the emotional ties with both your father and your stepmother.

She will not get better without help. Accept that and move on.
Actually the problem is that your mother is displacing her feelings. What she was saying about your father, was actually what she wanted you to see about her. She wants help, but she's terrified of him and to protect herself she has shifted her feelings and thoughts over to something that makes sense (for why he is beating her). Sort of a weird Stockholm syndrome (like he wouldn't do this to her if she wasn't making him do it...).

What you need to do, is separate him from her, get her some emotional & financial support and get her the hell away from him, permanently. After a few weeks, she'll get back to at least semi-normal, but it will take time and a rough emotional period for her to go through to convince herself that she didn't bring this on and that she doesn't deserve it...

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