A Poem I wrote..Do you like it?

Staring blankly into a world full of a painful heartbreak
Positioning music to my ears feeling the sudden peace
Music which inspires my soul making my heart ache
Making all sense of reality come to a cease

Holding on to each lyric as if it is a true reality
Losing my soul within a deep comfort of a beat
Relaxing my memories of your forced brutality
The innocent portray of your soul on our first meet

As I sink further in towards my comfort zone
The music creates a rhythm upon my broken heart
I listen to each new lyric feeling pitty for being alone
Thinking about those times you said we'd never part

Flicking through the tracks creating different notions
Surrounding my heart with a tight enclosure of belief
Creating more exertion towards possitive emotions
The music destroying each segmant of woeful greif.

Very emo, you need to inflect more feeling and less emotion but all in all it is a good effort.
I like it
yea its ok
its very good. u should try doing another poem, but a mini version of this 1. like make it really short and just sumarize wat is said here. cus that would be a really good poem too

(yea i LOVE short poems =])
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but at 17, you are being far too dramatic. Life is a gift...and each day you spend in such sadness is a disservice to yourself and those around you. Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on what you have learned and use it to benefit yourself and others...
Deep. I like it. Who cares about spell check it was moving. Thanks.
I like it. Music and writing are a great way to heal yourself. It is dramatic when you feel certain emotions and poetry or lyrics and writing reflect that.

It's like a release, it's good!
Its very good. I must commend you on your intelligence and the courage to explain the cause of your pain. You should keep writing and listening to the music that helps you because it can be a great source ofhealing in many ways. I'm not an expert or anything but I can tell you are on the right track to straightening out your life. Good luck!
it was sad,my heart goes out to you,dont know you but i felt the hurt,been there done that,it will pass,chin up,put that smile back on,kick butt
I totally respect that you are trying to get over this experience by writing
And i totally get that this experiance is big in your life, and im not trying to downplay it (your situation) in any way

But i think the poem is kind of mediocore
I guess i just have an idea of what poetry should be in my head and this isnt it... its more like a short story, like a monologue from a play...

If you want to be a writer keep practicing, you'll get better, if not, this is a healthy way of expressing yourself and getting past this hard time in your life

Good Luck!!
Grief and Misery are over life-long friend. But nevertheless a very well poem, to try to create a positive environment for yourself with the aid of music.
I think this kind of creative writing is very good for you, helping you to get over painful feelings.
I'm sure you've heard the saying "you have to suffer for art".
you have the soul of an artist.
Natalie - Hello there! I Love your Poem - I see a Lot of Pain and Lonelieness in it. I Pray that this advice/answer can help you! I've been where you are - there are ways out - here is a few of them.

I myself was in an abusive relationship for nearly 19 years! Get OUT! NOW! I can not stress that STRONGLY ENOUGH!

Natalie - you are young - you have your whole life ahead of you! Go to your Family or Friends - or Go to Church - Go Somewhere and talk about it. Have NO CONTACT with ANYONE who is connected to your person that you are speaking of!! PLEASE! Go to the Women's shelter - for Abused Women - THEY WILL HELP YOU! That was not available to me - when I was going through mine!

I personally found a Wonderful man, I married him 10 years ago - I can not imagine my life without him. I'm So Very Happy - I know this can happen to you!

Peace and Grace to You!

Take Care and God Bless!
i like it it is very good it has alot of drama in it and it makes u fell lie you are actually there WOO HOO great job pats back

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