Psychology? I BEG YOU….PLEASE HELP!??

This is a bit of a long dilemna but I'd appreciate it so much if you could help me out and give me your honest opinion. This was a problem in my relationship I posted last week:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Further to the answers you all gave me, I decided to chat about everything with him and see the outcome. Although he could not understand what he had done wrong in the first instance, he finally came around and accepted he has been wrong and he will start to put me first going forwards. This has been making me unhappy for a long time and I told him, if he cannot change, I will leave him. He was devastated and cried, said he will do anything to save our relationship as he loves me more than anything in the world. There has also been another problem we face - the fact that he cannot always communicate well with me. Bascially, he has lived a very sheltered life, is a very quiet man and often can't give me stimulating deep conversations, nor really talk about his inner feelings - because he hasn’t lived enough and faced tough times…that's what I think. He admitted this too and said he wants to work at it and asked me to be patient as this does not happen overnight. I appreciate this. Although I have been unhappy as he does not always put me first and there is a slight intellect/communication issue, I do have feelings for me as he does care for me and has a very very good nature to him..being gentle and kind. My friend says he is a boy inside a man's body and it is doomed to fail. My dad says think what you want and if you decide to give it one more try, …and if worse comes to worse...nothing is lost and you can move on knowing it would never have worked…but at least you gave it one more chance. My concern is that by asking him to change, he may end up resenting me..just as I have been resenting him up until now. In an ideal world, I'd love to give it one more shot and see if things hopefully work out. Do you think I should or do you think I should cut my losses and move on?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and you have no idea how much I appreciate ur thoughts.

Answer:
The only time I wouldn't give someone a second chance is if the person cheated on me, but I have read your story and he has done nothing of the sort, although I can understand why you're upset. I would give him one more chance and if he doesn't change at all, then it's time to walk.
Give the man a chance and see what happens. You never want to say to yourself "What if?" Good luck
Asking someone to change never works. Either he will fail, or you will not like the person he becomes. If you love someone, you need to learn to accept him for who he is. If you decide to give it a second chance, you need to understand that if he initially changes his behavior, he will eventually revert to his old self, can you accept him as he is?
OK HERE'STHE LONG AND SHORT OF IT:

Problem 1) Religious difference (this is NO SMALL MATTER as his parents will not accept you if you do not comply with their religion)
he will basically need to renounce his religion because he is living with a non believer and probably wont speak to his parent again...do you know if he’s willing to that for you?

Problem 2) Poor communication. I have been married for a while and if there's one thing i know is that it’s all based on communication, if you can’t communicate your relationship is doomed to fail

So find out the answer to the first question and if it’s ‘yes’ then attempt to improve your communication, perhaps a relationship counsellor will help.

You must really love him if you are going to attempt to surmount these issues.

Good luck!
Now you're over thinking.
Why would he resent you for helping to make him a better person?
And all you've talked about is what you want.What about him?
It seems as if you're trying to mold dude into what you want without considering who he is.
How much are you willing to give to keep the relationship together.
And where are you guys heading with the relationship?
Seriously,think about that before you start molding him into 'the perfect mate'.
All right, Sweetheart.

Wow...

I've had a chance to go back and get an idea on what was going on before. That's amazing...

For the Record, I am a Christian (leaning to Gnostic Christianity)...

I can recall when I was younger. I was very much in love with a young lady from my neighborhood. We ended up in a relationship that has gone on for twelve years! Amazing right? But, I haven't told you about the serial hurt and pain that we've caused eachother over the years because of our different beliefs.

She grew up muslim, but I converted her to Christianity (Baptist)... As we got older (I am now 24), our system of beliefs changed, and with that, our morals and standards changed. I became more liberal while she became more strict.

She was and remains a beautiful person, but our differing outlooks made for a very difficult situation. Would I have changed anything? Sure, but then I wouldn't know what I know now.

So, if you're a person like me who continually sees the positive potential of things (even when other people see the negatives), then I know that there is no way that I could convince you otherwise.

BTW: I don't believe that Islam is a negatively controlling entity, but I do believe that the way in which it is upheld in this present-day has cast a bad light on it.

Because I don't know the intricacies of Islam, I can't comment any farther than that.

What I can comment on is that if you are a liberal, the last person that you want to be with, male or female, is one who is not a liberal. His not being a liberal is shown is his continuously wanting to perpetrate a situation to please his parents--who undoubtedly are NOT liberal. They are his influencing force...you will never be. Because even when they pass and go on to the Other Side, he will live his life in the way that he feels they would want.

Keep all of this in mind while making this decision that has obviously split you in two...

It also appears to me that you are striving very hard to make him happy... That's great, and truly it is in the service of others that we find our peace...

At the same time, please do ensure that you are servicing your innate need for peace as well. Don't walk into a flame, especially when there's so much water out here, you know? The world is vast and its depth is virtually limitless...

My advice, if you care to hear it, is to calmly revert back to friends (if that's a possibility) and carry on in that fashion. If you are just dying to have a companion, I'm sure that you'll find a more compatible one amongst the flocks...

But you and him: friends.

That's the way that my childhood sweetheart, turned wife (didn't tell you that, oops), turned ex-wife and I have developed. Cut out the middleman for the sake of your own happiness, and just become friends.

Nothing is impossible, truly, so at no point in time would I declare your marriage doomed. But things can become very difficult for the aforementioned reasons, and what you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to voluntarily present a difficulty for the sake of another's emotions.

All right?

If you want to chat about this further, feel free to drop me a line (don't worry, I won't flirt with you, I'm happy being single at this point)...

I hope that helps!
If you really think you love him, you should give him another chance. Every long-term relationship has its ups and downs, every couple is going to have conflicts and every person is going to go thru changes. So you may as well get used to making the effort when it's needed. If you leave him and go to someone else, you'll have different problems, but you'll still have problems to overcome.

Besides, I've read your other posts, some of them anyway, and you admit you're not perfect. So any partner you have has to make adjustments and to give you a chance too. If you want your lover to accept you as you are and to give you a chance to change when it's necessary then you have to give him the same chances, right?

Maybe he will resent you, but this too can often be overcome. And maybe you'll find a way to make it up to him.

Religion may not matter to you, but I have seen in many other relationships that once people who were not actively religious get married and think of having families, their religious backgrounds start to come forward and influence them more. I'm not sure why it is, perhaps because their expectations of the life they think they should live are based on the lives they had as children and the examples of their parents. If your boyfriend wants a Muslim wedding, and is afraid of displeasing Mom and Dad because of their religious beliefs about living together, it seems to me that religion is going to be important to him. If you're going to stay together, you may have to allow him the freedom to practice his religion, and you may have to conform to it in some ways, even if you don't share it. It can be done, many other couples do well together even if they don't share the same religion.

Finallly, let's face it: most men are not good at communicating their feelings the same way that women do it. This is why men watch sports and action movies and women don't, but men love women in spite of those flaws. :-)

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