Am I a bad human being?

My ex-husband keeps leaving me voicemails about how I have damaged and ruined our child's life. She is 15 years old and did not do well in school this year.

I live in another state and he has sole physical and legal custody.

I am trying to keep busy in the evenings by taking some classes - tennis, fitness and pilates.

He wants me to discuss options for our daughter with him.

I have told him that he is welcome to send her to me. He does not agree.

I don't know what else I can do for my daughter other than moving back in with him and being there for her on a day to day basis. That will be hard for me also

Living in the same town is not an option since he has now moved to a small town with very few companies in it.

I just hate myself sometimes and feel that I have failed as a mother. I don't know what to do.

My co-worker's daughter is 13 and she focuses on her and I feel bad when I hear that.

Answer:
Don't let him do this to you. Your daughter is old enough to start making minor decisions about her life. You can only do so much -- offer to have her over to your house for the summer -- if he refuses -- then you've done what you could. If you can take a week off from work and go over to her town and stay in a hotel for a week and hang out with her, talk to her, see what she's up to. Hopefully you could get through to her and see why she's not doing so well. Don't let your ex blame you -- he is the one who is there day to day and he needs to stop pointing the finger.
it seems like you want to be away from your child. that's horrible. you should feel bad.
First, you are not a bad human being. Second, your daughter is reacting to the split and the fact she doesn't have a female figure in her life. This is partly your ex's fault for moving to a small town.
You need to find out what is in your daughter's best interest. She is obviously doing bad because she needs attention. Your ex blames u and u blame ur ex. However your problems are not your daughter's problem. You need to find out where she wants to live and since in 3 years she may leave, she still needs a say in the matter.
Write letters to her. Remind her how much you love her. Build her self confidence. Tell her she be whatever she wants to be if she puts her mind to it. Talk to her on the phone. Inspire her.
You do not say how or why he feels like you did this to your child. You do not mention why he has legal custody either. Your daughter is old enough to say what she wants and doesn't. Have you even spoken with her? If in fact she wants to come and live with you, you can take him back to court for sole or even joint custody. Your daughter can and should speak to the judge.
You have not failed as a mother...there is time to rectify the situation now. Do you want your daughter to come and live with you? Does she want that too? Then get to work on it ASAP.

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